According to the AA glossary, the phrase “Stinking Thinking” refers to an alcoholic’s reversion to old thought patterns and attitudes. Stinking thinking may include, blaming others, alcoholic grandiosity, fault-finding, self-centeredness, and skipping meetings. Stinking thinking should act as a warning sign that one is getting precariously close to their next drink.”
Lately, I’ve had to work through what feels like one challenge after another. Moving due to a lack of funds and an increase in rent, migraine headaches possibly due to stress and a HUGE argument with my BFF have found my thoughts returning to drinking.
All these mounting problems seemed to sink in all at once, leading me down a road I haven’t traveled in quite a while.
Rethinking Drinking
In a manner of a few seconds, my thoughts danced a rationalizing jig. First up was a recollection of an article I had read stating that alcoholics can ‘learn’ to drink socially. Hogwash! I pushed that idiocy away.
Next on tap, (pun intended) I recalled that during a migraine marathon, a doctor had advised that I drink a “shot or two of brandy” and sleep it off. This neurologist did not know I was an addict and changed his tune when I informed him. Again, I was able to move on from there.
Finally, as my head throbbed and I heard, “Sorry, we have no available rentals in your price category,” again and again, I allowed myself a moment of absolute absurdity. I thought back on my first binge and the relief from all stressors that I had felt.
Finding Help from My Sponsor
I called my sponsor as I drove to an AA meeting and shared these frightening contemplations. “Stinkin’ thinkin’,” she stated. “Let’s come up with other ways for you to find some relief.”
As I was early to this mid-day meeting, we had some 20 minutes to talk. We discussed alternative methods for my chronic pain; acupuncturists, a different neurologist, chiropractors and asking my AA fellows if any had dealt with migraines.
Moving on, I found myself sobbing as we forded the ‘moving’ rapids. Here was a case where no alternative was available. I decided to use my intellectual self as opposed to my emotional self and get myself to the other side. (Sometimes we have to just face our fears and deal with them; difficult or not.)
My friendship dilemma was a matter of making a phone call and telling him how hurt and upset I was feeling. I knew we could talk, as he wasn’t my BFF on a companionship basis alone.
Sharing in the Rooms
Attending the meeting, I shared all the above. I also explained my obsessively mortifying fear of picking up after so many sober years. I realized that come hell or high water, I did NOT want to start over and relive that nightmare again.
It was time to be proactive and stop playing the part of victim.
Adjusting My Attitude & Taking Responsibility
I crumbled up the rental list I had written and googled different sites. I called my friend and within an hour we were saying our, “I love yous.” I made an appointment with a new neurologist having first spoken to her nurse. I explained my addictive personality and she reassured me that there are several non-narcotic medications to be explored.
Ahh, what a difference my attitude can make! Lessons learned.
“Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise.” –Henry Ward Beecher
Author: Katie H. is a writer, recovering addict, and mother based in Connecticut.